Weird Tales

Teenager Convinces School Officials He’s a State Senator 

UPPER SANDUSKY, Ohio — An 18-year-old who duped Mohawk Local Schools officials, the Wyandot County sheriff, and a car dealership’s general manager into thinking he was a newly appointed state senator said he did it to prove a point about school security.

“These country schools think it can’t happen to them,” said Izaha Akins of Marion. He said he planned to write a paper about it.

Mr. Akins rendered Wyandot County red-faced after he was allowed to speak to a high school American Government class while using his own name and claiming to have been appointed to replace state Sen. David Burke (R., Marysville), who, he told officials, had resigned because of illness.

Authorities said Mr. Akins got a tour of the school and addressed the class at Mohawk High School in Sycamore on Dec. 15.Mohawk Schools Superintendent Ken Ratliff said the young man fooled the teacher, the principal, and apparently everyone else he came in contact with that day.

The fraud only came to light when Senator Burke showed up as scheduled Jan. 14, Mr. Ratliff said. He said they kept the investigation quiet….

Via Man who pretended to be senator charged @ Toledo Blade.

Someone needs some Tylenol

“He was sozzled and looked a bit worse for wear, shall we say.” Via Drunk Squirrel Breaks into Clubhouse, Drinks From Tap, Gets Caught Hungover @ The Libertarian Republic.

Could someone explain to Ted Rall that there are no libertarians in Los Angeles or Afghanistan political positions?

“Literally every year, the city’s debased political class promises to fix potholes forever if voters only approve this one last tax increase. Meanwhile, city monies are routinely squandered on everything but. L.A.’s own controller said as recently as last year that money is not the problem with street repair…. ” Via Lousy Cartoonist Blames ‘libertarian…

Coyotes Begin War Against Humanity

They’ve started in Burbank, California, presumably because an opening front there will be met with little resistance from the many millions of people who’ve long stopped caring much about Californians. Shrewd, very shrewd. At FREE WHITEWATER, earlier this year, I predicted that coyotes would be the next local obsession to grip our small town (after…

Friday Catblogging: The Cabbit

Among the many mythological creatures of history, alongside unicorns, sea monsters, and abominable snowmen sits the legendary cat-rabbit hybrid, the cabbit. One can find photographs of the supposed animal across the Internet: Over at Messy Beast, Sarah Hartwell has the definitive guide to cabbits, entitled, Cabbits – A History of the Myth. Hartwell traces the…

Poll: Calling 9-1-1 Over a Spider

A teenager in Oregon noticed a spider in her house, and not knowing what to do about it, she called 9-1-1: KPTV – FOX 12 “I’m home alone and there is a giant spider on the back of my couch, and I’m talking giant. I’ve never seen a spider this big and I have no…

Wild Peacocks Terrorize Timid Residents of Crybaby Town

CNN reports from Union Gap, Washington, where the hypersensitive genteel residents of that six-thousand-person town are sweating out a few wild peacocks. I’m not sure what to make of it — when I look at a map, Union Gap, Washington is plainly part of America. And yet, and yet, America’s the place that confronted and…

Prince Charles employs new public relations expert

He shouldn’t have one! Prince Charles has appointed a spin doctor who was previously responsible for the BBC’s communications during the crisis over its reporting of the “sexed-up” Iraq war dossier. Sally Osman will take over as communications secretary to the Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall at Clarence House in June from…

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

It was only a matter of time: A pack of 10 monkeys went on a rampage in the town of Toddang Pulu in Sendenreng Rappang, Indonesia, on Tuesday. In their wake, they’ve left seven people injured—one critically—and one shaken village. “The monkeys, which according to witnesses, numbered at least 10, reportedly emerged from Toddang Lowa…

Federal government caves, withdraws disciplinary action against flatulent worker

Despite trillions annually, and more lawful authority than any human institution in all history, the U.S. federal government is still too craven to discipline even one malodorous employee: The Social Security Administration officially reprimanded an employee whom colleagues accused of continuously “passing gas and releasing an unpleasant odor” that created a “hostile work environment.” After…

Man bites cobra to death in Nepal

A cobra bit Mohamed Salmo Miya, so he retaliated, with a fatal result (for the snake): “I could have killed it with a stick but bit it with my teeth instead because I was angry,” Reuters reported Miya, 55, as saying. Part man, part mongoose? Via WISN.